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2010 12 Mar

Techniques For Effective Discipline

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Techniques for Effective Discipline
1. Are there communication techniques that will prevent power struggles?

Communication Skills – In a discipline situation, DO NOT use commands or questions. a. Commands: Do the thinking for the child. Sit down. Be quiet. Commands don’t invite a conversation so that win/win problem solving can occur. It makes it seem like the adult is the only one that knows the answers.

b. Questions: Most people use questions so automatically that it is like breathing. Questions have the effect of handing over too much power to the child. Children can easily say yes or no, which invites unproductive arguing.

c. Statement Sentences: When you use “I statements,” you equalize the power between yourself and your child. In order to promote win/win problem solving, you need to use the principle of participation in order to get a “buy in” so that you end up with an agreement. The goal is to invite a conversation with your child – not an “I don’t know” response. The very best way to do this is with I statements. “I would like to know”… “I understand that” … “I’m wondering how”… “I’m not sure that I have it right” … “I’m confused” … “I statements” are magical because they give the impression that “I” am the one with the problem and it appeals to a person’s desire to help. It takes the pressure off of “YOU” haven’t done something right and thus diminishes defensiveness. Furthermore, a statement is a fact, a fact is the truth. It is hard to argue with the truth.


2.What is the best way to get a child to stop playing and get down to business?
Yes, nevertheless – When you get resistance, nod your head and state the child’s point of view. “Yes, I know you are busy,” “You want to watch TV,” “You are having fun playing with your friends,” “You don’t feel well.” “NEVERTHELESS,” then tell them what needs to be done. This is a powerful technique once you’ve mastered it. Be sure to use other words such as “but”, “however, there is a problem.” What needs to happen now is ______.” For example: “You would like to finish playing with your friends because you are having a lot of fun, nevertheless it is time to wrap it up and get ready for bed.” This technique works because it uses receptive listening. A child doesn’t feel controlled or manipulated if you make it clear that you understand his or her point of view.

3. What is the single most important parenting technique that is a sure fire way to be successful?

Catch Them Being Good! – Be prolific with this technique by using it over and over again. Notice how your child helped, even if it is picking up a piece of paper off the floor. It makes children feel good and most of all it promotes rational thinking.

Lawyer Scott Stadler practices Divorce & Family Law in Broward County, Florida. His office is located in the city of Coral Springs. He can be reached at (954) 346-6464

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2010 12 Mar

Family History Software: Getting Your Child To Construct Legacies Through Stories – Part 7

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In this series of blog posts on family history software I am sharing the beginnings of a fictional story dreamed up and written by my pre-teen son, who is a voracious reader. I am trying to illustrate the point that ancestry legacies do not have to wait for people to get old and pass on. No, you can get your children writing stories that will make for great memoirs later. It would be nice if family tree software could encourage such stories. Without further ado, here is part seven:

“Flying long distances makes me tired,” Freeze replied simply. Freeze ran forward and started to flap his wings. He leapt off the ground like a cat and turned around towards the direction of Gavin’s house. He started to pick up speed and Gavin heard the wind whistling through his ears. Gavin slumped forward with a sigh. He always forgot magic makes him tired. But today was a long day, the hunt this morning had taken almost four hours. Gavin turned his head and looked back. The Wizard’s tower was becoming smaller in the distance, a black dot now. Suddenly Freeze curved sharply and Gavin heard something whistle by. “Someone is shooting at us!” Freeze bellowed. Probably some fool trying to make a living off of dragon skin. Probably.


“Go lower, right above the trees!” Gavin yelled against the wind. Freeze swooped lower when Gavin heard a clink. Freeze ducked as another arrow went whistling by. That does not sound like a bow, it is probably a crossbow. Freeze was right above the tree tops now. Gavin heard rustling in the forest and then galloping. Gavin looked down and saw their attacker. He was wearing a black cloak that was covering his face. He was riding a black, huge horse. Gavin saw the glint of silver and he fell forward onto his stomach. He heard the familiar whistle of an arrow. That could have been his neck. This man was a skilled archer, the only reason they hadn’t been hit was Freeze’s quick reaction and speed. They couldn’t keep this up forever. It was time to go onto the offense side.

“Freeze dive into him! We can’t keep dodging these arrows,” he yelled. Freeze drifted for exactly one second, and then he dived. It was such a sharp dive with such force Gavin almost fell of him. Luckily Gavin had squeezed his knees right as Freeze dived. Freeze shot down with the speed of a peregrine falcon into their attacker. Gavin ducked down against the wind. Freeze turned up sharply as his claws dangled down towards the man. This man though was no ordinary man. He fell flat onto his horse with Freeze missing him by inches. He twisted and was now lying on his backshifted and was now laying down on his back.

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